The Value Of Guarantees

What is the value of a guarantee when there are 15 pages of conditions and exceptions?

Do you remember ‘back in the day’ when a guarantee was a guarantee? Do remember when pop was a nickel and a satisfaction guarantee meant you would get your money back if you weren’t satisfied? Then came the day when that same satisfaction guarantee meant that if you weren’t satisfied, you could be guaranteed that you would be completely frustrated by how the company did nothing to help.

The innovators saw the issue and went all out. They introduced us to the 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. I guess the theory was that if you were 90% satisfied before, they could live with that 10%… not any longer! Phew! What a relief! So now they tell us that their guarantee covers us any time we are not 100% satisfied… I want you to know that is pretty much false…. I always strive to be a little dissatisfied, simply to help improve the experience, but being able to point out how things could be better apparently doesn’t mean you were not 100% satisfied… If you are not lost yet, hang in there, I am sure you will be soon enough!

So then I ask them what I get if I am not 100% Satisfied. What does your guarantee give me? Most of the time – nothing. It is almost as though we are right back to being guaranteed that we will not be satisfied anytime that we are not 100% satisfied… I told you it wouldn’t get any easier…

The real go-getters now issue a ‘Money-Back’ Guarantee. Which, I have found out, does not guarantee that they will give you your money back. In fact, they tell me there has to be an issue first… so much for getting my stuff for free… So I now understand that if I am not completely satisfied, these folks will give me my money back. YAY! But wait. There are 8,397 double sided pages in size 8 font of terms and conditions. Please complete our 13 page form, outlining each of the conditions that you have adhered to, the exact reason why you are not satisfied, and submit the form within the allotted 12 seconds or else the guarantee is not valid.

I want a company that will clearly identify what they are guaranteeing. I want a company that will put some skin in the game to stand behind what they say. I want a company that will do away with all of the terms and conditions that make the so-called guarantee worthless. Show me the company that will give a guarantee and stand behind it without making me feel like I am the problem… and I will be your customer for life!